Let's Talk Thursdays: It's Not A Magic Wand

Hello Awesome Visitors! Welcome to another episode of ...

This episode of inspired by some words I heard from a song. Normally I don't pay this particular artist any mind but since the beat was catchy I let the song play. One particular line caught my attention, and it's this notion that if a woman just finds the right guy, his sex game can change her sexual proclivity.

Unfortunately, it's not just this particular entertainer who spouts that. I'm not going to say he actually thinks it because he was probably trying to find a cool word to rhyme with "safe" and thought "straight" was close enough. I've heard it as some line in a cheesy X-rated film. I have seen it some of the lesser-known erotica literature.

Yet, I've rarely (if ever) heard the reverse touted ... that a woman can put it on a man so fierce that it will change his sexual preference from "only pole", "either/or", to "completely straight".

Does that mean that a man's sexual preference is absolute while a woman's sexual preference is flexible? Is there an unwritten rule that women get a pass for what is viewed as "experimentation" but if a guy "experiments" he's automatically gay? 

To delve into this topic, I'm going to sprinkle a few of my personal experiences on this cupcake.

I do not believe there is such a thing as "praying away the gay".

I do not think there's a switch, like "on" for "heterosexual behavior" and "off" for "non-straight behavior".

If it were that simple, then people who do not identify as straight would not go through so much struggle and strife. I cannot ascertain anyone who would choose something, knowing the side effects of stuff may include being alienated by family and friends, dealing with bullying, and facing persecution.

I was brought up in a very strict religious household. No, there weren't any slurs thrown about, but whenever an advertisement related to homosexuals would pop up, certain comments were said that let me know it is unacceptable behavior. Or even worse, the uncomfortable silence.

It made me feel as if no one else was like me. Like me, in that I've never felt fully straight. Just as I viewed things about a man that could be sensual, I was able to see those same qualities with women as well. 

Around middle school was when I discovered more people had those inklings than just me. One of my closest friends confessed to me via letter that she had a crush on me. Although according to my teachings I should be repulsed by such a thing, the opposite happened. Yes, I was shocked, but I was more so flattered and intrigued, though I wasn't sure how it would play out.

It played out. First, with glances across a room. Then, hugs that lingered a few seconds. Followed by the "accidentally on purpose" passes. This may come as a surprise but my friend was the initiator of everything. It wasn't until my later years that I tapped into being the aggressor.

When the culmination occurred in the form of making out in a bathroom stall, sensually, I'd never felt more alive. It's not like I hadn't had boyfriends. Yet, none of them made my pulse race. It wasn't just like this with my friend. It was like this with every encounter I had with a woman.

Since the straight label didn't fit, my friend and I toyed with the "bicurious" classification. It seemed, where we were, more accepted than lesbian. Plus, my friend enjoyed sex with men immensely. As for me, when I was with a man, I didn't feel as sexually full.

It took navigating through many stages to get to this point in my life. I honestly see myself as "fluid". I don't see gender as it pertains to who I'm attracted to. I don't hide the fact that I'm attracted to women but I also don't make it a necessity to have both when I'm in a monogamous relationship. I just don't act on the yearnings because it speaks on being faithful in the relationship. If we haven't had that talk, then all bets are off.

So, if a person doesn't act on it, it doesn't mean that a person has "gone straight". The person has chosen not to do so. Or perhaps there's not anyone out there at the moment who presents temptation. 

A man's sexual organ doesn't possess the superpower to change sexual preference. If a woman has told you that, she isn't being honest. The same goes for a woman's velvety folds. If a man has been sexual with other men, that doesn't just die, no matter how fantastically you put it on him.

If you are with someone who has been with the same sex, you walk in, understanding the risks involved. At least you are supposed to. I have had relationships with a few men who "thought it was a phase" or "could screw me straight". Those relationships ended because I wasn't going to lie to him or myself.

Until next time,